There’s no point in helping someone who doesn’t want to be helped: setting limits and self-care

Dear friend, do you like helping others? Such an attitude, becoming rarer and regretfully not often enough met these days, is actually very beneficial, equally for those who help others and for the latter ones. But are there limits to the help we render to others?

Yes! This limit is basically self-care, that is, we should not harm ourselves to benefit someone else. In this article, we will better understand the limits of altruism , as well as check out some tips to not neglect our own needs. Are you curious? Then continue reading and find out more!

The importance of helping others

Each person starts this journey on earth with a set of qualities-personal characteristics, knowledge, skills and values. All these vary enormously amongst people and that is what makes our society strong. What one person does not know, another person teaches, and therefore, all of us, human beings, are interdependent.

In short, no one does anything alone, and to a greater or lesser extent, we need each other. It is for this reason that it is very much significant to help others. If today we help someone, tomorrow maybe we’ll need help. We are in a continuous change of roles, and this should make us more sensitive and humble and supportive.

There is no point in helping someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

The capacity to consider and assist others is the antithesis of selfishness, or altruism. It is a crucial human quality, as we have seen, but it does not imply it is without limitations.

Helping someone has two basic prerequisites: first, the person you wish to assist must be open to receiving assistance; second, you must be able to deliver the assistance. Some people are so unaware of their own problems that they are unwilling to accept assistance from others, or they lack the self-awareness to acknowledge that they are in need of assistance.

The limits of altruism

It is therefore not forgotten that one cannot help someone who does not want to be helped anyway. Another important point is that we are supposed not to think of the needs of other people when we have not considered our own needs properly. It is almost the words of the flight attendants cautioning you before a plane trip – that before one can assist the other person to fasten their mask, first one has to put on his or her mask.

Here are some attitudes revealing the limits of altruism:

  • Sacrifice yourself for others

Sacrificing yourself for others can be something that is very romanticized in some contexts, including in fiction, but in real life it can bring a lot of suffering and serious consequences. If you, for example, put yourself in certain situations that put your finances, physical health or mental health at risk, you could face serious problems on behalf of someone else. Always remember that you need to be well to help others. Don’t sacrifice yourself!

  • Ignoring one’s own well-being

Naturally, this leads us to the following item on our list: putting your personal wellbeing last. She also perceives a severe reduction in life quality when someone “gives in” for the benefit of another person. Nobody knows what it’s like to be in your position. Thus, giving in to the constant demands of someone or something else can lead to burnout, resentment, and even deterioration of your interpersonal connections. I firmly think that one can only help others and oneself in an equitable environment.

  • Allowing the other to exploit or manipulate

Unfortunately, there are people who “don’t know how to receive help.” We’re talking about individuals who exploit the goodwill of others, as if the favor they do were something obligatory. This exploitation can also manifest itself when the person being helped demands more and more help, often without there being any real need for it. It’s the same old story: if you always make yourself available to someone else, even when there’s no need for it, they may become complacent and stop doing their part. Avoid it!

  • To become emotionally exhausted

When we help someone else, we temporarily stop taking care of our own life to meet that person’s needs. This involves a change in our priorities, our activities, and our time management . Of course, it’s not wrong to do this from time to time. The problem occurs when helping others becomes a routine that compromises our own tasks and goals. This can leave us emotionally exhausted, as we ignore our own being.

  • Not discerning situations

It is precisely because of the situations described above that one of the limits of altruism is precisely learning to discern situations. Does the person asking you for help really need it? Do you really have the means to help them? There are cases in which they need to turn to someone else, perhaps a professional. Therefore, before you readily say “yes” to the requests made of you, check whether the help requested is really within your reach. If it is not, there is no problem in saying “no”.

Preventing these problems from occurring

Now that we understand the limits of the help we offer others, check out 3 fundamental tips to prevent these problems from occurring:

  • Set personal boundaries: Say “no” when you can’t help someone. You may not have the time, willingness, or skills to help the person in need. Give a negative response without guilt, as this does not mean being selfish.
  • Practice discernment in your relationships: would the other person do for you what you do for them? Is the person asking for help really in need, or is he or she abusing you? Carefully evaluate each situation before acting.
  • Make self-care a routine: take care of your physical and mental health, get adequate rest, manage your time carefully, have leisure time with family and friends, and seek support if you face very challenging times.

In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with helping others — in fact, it is a very noble attitude that makes a difference in society. However, don’t forget to always put yourself first. This is not selfishness, just self-love. Take care of yourself!

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